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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22459912">I'll Never Be Free</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/paranoid_parallax/pseuds/paranoid_parallax'>paranoid_parallax</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>lotura week 2020 [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Voltron: Legendary Defender</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Abusive Parents, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Couch Cuddles, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Established Relationship, F/M, Meeting the Parents, Past Child Abuse, Past Violence, Protectiveness, Racism, mentioned homophobia and ableism, mentioned parental death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-01-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-01-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 17:20:38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,279</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22459912</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/paranoid_parallax/pseuds/paranoid_parallax</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Day 3: Enduring / Family (Gypsophila)</p><p>After a couple of years of estrangement from his parents, Lotor is guilted into visiting them, but isn't ready to explain to Allura why he's so apprehensive about it. She soon finds out.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Allura/Lotor (Voltron)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>lotura week 2020 [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1613221</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Lotura Week 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I'll Never Be Free</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Wow,” Allura said as they pulled into the driveway of his parents’ house. “I didn’t know you were rich.”</p><p>Lotor laughed harshly. “<em>I’m</em> not, <em>they</em> are.”</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>“Sorry I didn’t stay in touch enough to keep some of it,” he said brusquely, getting out of the car.</p><p>She followed, concern in her voice. “Lotor, you know that’s not what I meant.”</p><p>His expression softened. “I know. I didn’t mean to snap at you. I’m sorry.”</p><p>“It’s alright.” She took his hand, and they walked to the door in silence.</p><p>On the doorstep, Lotor turned to his girlfriend and sighed. “Allura… are you <em>sure</em> you want to meet them?”</p><p>Allura looked slightly puzzled. “Of course, why wouldn’t I?”</p><p>“They’re awful.”</p><p>She didn’t <em>know</em>. He hadn’t told her.</p><p>So it was hard to blame her when she laughed softly and said, “I’m sure it’ll be alright. They can’t be too bad.”</p><p>“I wouldn’t bet on that.”</p><p>Worry flickered in her eyes for a moment, and it seemed she might have finally caught on. After nervously picking some minuscule bits of fuzz off her cardigan, she turned and knocked on the door.</p><p>Of course, it was Honerva who answered it. They must have been quite a sight together— Allura standing up almost unnaturally straight, smiling brightly, in a lovely put-together outfit, next to a slouching Lotor in a worn-out hoodie who could barely keep the scowl off his face.</p><p>“Lotor! Please, come in.” It was an order, one both he and Honerva were aware of but that went right over Allura’s head. Gritting his teeth, he obeyed.</p><p>“And you must be Allura! It’s so good to finally meet you. Lotor’s— well, actually, he hasn’t told me <em>anything</em> about you.” She shot him a genuine glare disguised as a playful one, and Allura laughed a bit uncomfortably as she stepped inside. “I just think it’s terrible how some people try to abandon their family as soon as they turn eighteen.” It had taken him considerably longer than that to even begin trying to get away, actually. “I hope you don’t do this to your parents.”</p><p>Her smile faltered, and she got that deer-in-headlights look that appeared every time anyone brought up her parents. “Um… they passed away a few years ago, actually.”</p><p><em>Fuck. Leave her alone.</em> Lotor shot a glare at Honerva even as she quickly began expressing sympathy.</p><p>He should never have agreed to this.</p><p>She’d had the absolute <em>nerve</em> to go through his unsuspecting girlfriend after he tried to cut her off, and he hadn’t known how to turn it down without explaining things he wasn’t ready to talk about. Lotor knew Allura would never have forced him to come if he’d said no, but… he couldn’t say no to Honerva after he’d read the message.</p><p>He knew she played the victim when she wasn’t. He knew she must have practically had to stalk him to get Allura’s number. But as soon as she guilted him, he came running back like he was a little kid again— and guilting him was so damn easy for her to do.</p><p>“Hey, is Dad home?” he asked, lowering his voice as he moved in closer to Honerva.</p><p>“Yes, he’s upstairs. He’ll be down for dinner in a bit.”</p><p>Great, now he’d have to contend with two of them. Cold fear spiked through his blood at the thought of facing his father again. His father, who’d nearly literally killed him two years ago for going behind his back with a few things— which he wouldn’t have even had to do in the first place if the man wasn’t terrifying.</p><p>“I can set the table,” he offered quickly, hoping to get away from Honerva.</p><p>Allura cast an anxious glance over her shoulder at him as they followed her into the kitchen. He managed a reassuring smile, hastily grabbed a handful of silverware and napkins, and headed into the dining room to escape.</p><p>“You’re finally back, I see.”</p><p>His father’s voice behind him nearly made Lotor jump out of his skin. Trying quickly to hide the fear, he turned to him and forced a smile. “Hi, Dad. How’ve you been?”</p><p>“Well, I’m certainly doing better than you.” He gestured around them with a laugh.</p><p>Lotor didn’t know how he was expected to respond to that, so he took the lesser risk of not doing so at all.</p><p>Just then, Allura poked her head into the room. “Dinner’s ready— oh, hi!” She hurried over to greet his father, and he couldn’t help flinching as she held out her hand to shake. Zarkon ignored it. <em>At least he isn’t hitting her.</em> “I’m Allura. It’s nice to meet you.”</p><p>“A pleasure,” he replied, tone oozing with distaste as he looked down at her.</p><p>Expression wavering slightly, she let her hand drop to her side. “Well, um, let me help your mom with the plates…” She headed back into the kitchen.</p><p>
  <em>She’s not my fucking mother.</em>
</p><p>His father turned to look at him. “Really? You can’t do better?”</p><p>“If you say anything bad about Allura, I’ll fucking kill you.” Maybe he couldn’t stick up for himself, but he could sure as hell stick up for her.</p><p>“I didn’t say anything,” he replied with an air of amusement.</p><p>Turning on his heel in disgust, Lotor left to go help with the food. Suddenly Honerva didn’t seem so bad— no matter what she’d done, it was safer to stick close to her. Her love might be twisted and dangerously possessive, but at least it was <em>there</em>.</p><p>A couple of minutes later, the four of them sat down toward one end of the dramatically overlong table. Honerva began attempting to make conversation with him, and when that failed, with his girlfriend instead. She still mainly stuck to things that had to do with both of them, though, questions becoming more and more unnecessarily specific and aggressively delivered until it felt like he was witnessing an interrogation.</p><p>Lotor barely picked at his food, too stressed to eat. He felt vaguely nauseous at the presence of his father beside him and his mother across from him— he and Allura were seated as far apart from each other as possible, he realized. It was probably deliberate. Divide and conquer.</p><p>Somehow, they almost made it through the dinner without a fight breaking out.</p><p>Almost.</p><p>“So, Allura.”</p><p>His girlfriend looked up in surprise— Zarkon had barely spoken to her all night, looking past her like she wasn’t even there as he watched Lotor and Honerva’s awkward interaction like it was a particularly amusing movie.</p><p>“Where are you from?”</p><p>That might have sounded innocent enough, but Lotor knew where this was going. He knew his father better than he would have ever liked to. <em>Is he really going to do this shit right now? </em>“Not your business, shut the fuck up,” he interjected loudly.</p><p>“Lotor!” Allura looked surprised. “He can ask me questions, it’s fine.”</p><p>He glanced around the table in frustration. “We all know why he’s asking.”</p><p>“I don’t think he means anything weird by that? It… seems like a normal question?”</p><p><em>Oh, you weren’t here when he dragged Acxa into a ten-minute conversation about her ethnic background while looking at her like she had no right to be in his house… or when him asking Zethrid and Ezor about their relationship started with an innocent enough question too, and ended with open homophobia… or when he talked about Narti like she wasn’t there right in front of her… </em>There was a reason his friends hadn’t been to his house in years, even before he’d tried to cut his parents off for good. He should have stuck to his decision, shouldn’t have let this happen again.</p><p>Allura was looking unsure now. Uncomfortable. He could practically see the gears turning in her head as she looked nervously around at the three of them. She’d probably thought this interracial family wasn’t somewhere she had to worry about being treated like this, but she must be seeing now how Zarkon treated him— and how he tried to treat Honerva, who simply seemed immune most of the time due to her own abilities for controlling people— and <em>realizing</em>.</p><p>“Fine, we’ll all have to watch our words since the kid is being neurotic again,” his father said derisively.</p><p>
  <em>I’m in my twenties. And I’m not crazy!</em>
</p><p>
  <em> …Right?</em>
</p><p>“How did you meet my son?”</p><p>“Oh!” She looked almost relieved. “Well, we met in college, actually. Senior year— that’s four years ago, right? Yeah.”</p><p>Both of his parents looked at him sharply. “Is that so?” his father said slowly, voice dripping with fury.</p><p>Allura looked confused. “Um, yes? Is that… okay?”</p><p>“Yes, Allura, it’s okay,” Lotor snapped. “It’s not your fault my family’s fucking insane.”</p><p>Zarkon slammed his fist down on the table, and Lotor almost jumped out of his seat, heart pounding in his ears as he blinked back a sudden urge to cry. “Don’t talk about your mother that way!”</p><p>Across the table, Honerva muttered an “Oh, <em>now</em> you care, asshole,” before taking another bite of salad and otherwise displaying complete indifference to their argument.</p><p>“I’m sorry.” It was instinct. “I didn’t mean it, I’m sorry, please don’t do this, I don’t want to fight right now, I love you, I—”</p><p>“Shut up.”</p><p>Allura got to her feet. “Lotor, let’s go. We’re leaving.” Numb, he obeyed, following until Honerva grabbed his wrist.</p><p>“Wait! You can stay the night, I set up the guest bedroom—”</p><p>“Please let go of my boyfriend,” Allura said in a calm yet icy tone. When that didn’t work, she pried Honerva’s fingers away and gently but hurriedly led Lotor out to the car, hopping into the driver’s seat and backing out rapidly as soon as his door was closed.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” he said weakly. He could feel himself shaking.</p><p>“No, <em>I’m</em> sorry. God, I had no idea…”</p><p>Lotor caught sight of tears in her eyes, and felt a stab of guilt. “I should have told you,” he said more firmly. “It’s my fault.”</p><p>“Nothing is your fault. Let’s just get home, okay? I love you.”</p><p>“Love you too.”</p><p> </p><p>——————————</p><p> </p><p>Back at home, Lotor tried and failed to assure Allura that he was fine. She wasn’t having it, and persuaded him to just curl up on the couch while she ducked into the kitchen for a moment. She soon returned with two mugs of tea, then went to get some blankets.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” he said again when she came back. She’d been so excited, so ready to meet his family— he wondered if it had to do with missing her own, and felt tears pricking at his eyes. “I shouldn’t have let you walk into that without any kind of warning. I should have told you, or said no, I just— I’m scared of them. I was scared to tell her no, but I wasn’t ready to explain it to you either, and I just— I’m so sorry, Allura.”</p><p>“It’s okay. I mean— it’s so not okay, but I’m not mad at <em>you</em>.”</p><p>“It’s my fault.” His voice was barely audible.</p><p>“It is <em>not</em>.” Sitting beside him and wrapping both of them in a large soft blanket, Allura looked at him in worry. “Have they always been like this?”</p><p>“This is honestly nothing compared to some of what they’ve done.” He tried to laugh, but it came out closer to a sob. “My father almost killed me two years ago. That really says it all as far as he’s concerned.” He didn’t bother looking up to see the horror that was surely on her face. “Honerva wasn’t around for most of my childhood. It’s hard to even blame her, I guess… she had an addiction, I know it wasn’t all her fault… but that didn’t change the fact that every time I did see her, she either ignored me or sided with my father against me or clung to me so tightly it was like I only existed for her.”</p><p>“I’m so sorry.”</p><p>“Don’t be.”</p><p>“You deserve so much better than them.”</p><p>Lotor smiled at her. “Well, now I have it.”</p><p>She leaned in to kiss him, and he pulled her closer, desperate suddenly to be close to someone who didn’t hate him.</p><p>“I love you so much, Allura.”</p><p>“I love you too.”</p><p>There was silence for a moment.</p><p>“Next time, can we please just go hang out with Coran instead?”</p><p>Allura’s laugh seemed almost ripped out of her by some invisible force, and she was shaking with anxiety and relief and a mess of emotions as she clung to him. “Yes, please.”</p><p>“Are you going to be okay?”</p><p>“Eventually.” Her smile trembled. “I’ll get over it. At least I didn’t have to grow up with them, I can’t even imagine—”</p><p>“You’re still allowed to be upset.”</p><p>“I guess.”</p><p>“You are.”</p><p>They spent a few minutes quietly sipping tea, snuggled together under the blanket.</p><p>“Lotor… I don’t think you should go back there anymore.”</p><p>“I won’t.” This time he was sure of it… he hoped.</p><p>“Do you want to just watch something and… not think about things?”</p><p>“That sounds like a great idea.”</p><p>“Cool.” She stretched out to reach the remote, then retreated back into their blanket nest. “We want something lighthearted, right?”</p><p>“Absolutely.”</p><p>“Thought so.”</p><p>Resting her head on his shoulder, she began flicking through options, and Lotor dared to feel safe there for a moment as he let his head rest against hers, arm around her. Things had not been anywhere near okay for him since he was born, but every now and then, for just a little while, Allura made him feel like maybe they really could get better.</p>
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